


could've been you

by hypophrenia



Series: letters to no one [4]
Category: Sdorica: Sunset (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, fgo is always my main game but sometimes u see a 2d guy and the whore in u just snaps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 09:05:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18427412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypophrenia/pseuds/hypophrenia
Summary: There's a Watcher, a limited time banner, and a unit whose life's goal is to avoid her until the wallet comes out, weeping with each dollar spent.





	could've been you

**Author's Note:**

> ao3 didnt save my draft :( now the title and summary is almost as second-rate and rushed as i am
> 
> anyways i love fgo i really do but charle is the reason i started sdorica and has been avoiding me with a passion. no more. the pity rates will bend to me, or i will perish. i'm grinding kingdom exploration as we speak but i can't get past the day 19 boss so really. i'm doomed
> 
> but yeah i still love fgo way more which is why u can tell i'm implying this mc is the fgo protagonist. still not tagging fgo cause its so lowkey

Dear Charle,

Honestly, I feel weird for liking you. What's there to say? You're sixty-something, you look thirty-three, and I might as well be completely smitten. There's the logical voice in the back of my mind saying I can't ever speak to you, and that I'm an idiot for even caring in the first place. I don't know what a Watcher is, I don't know who that lady in blue who smiles something sharp is, and I don't know who you are besides what your profile says.

I like you. I don't know why, and I don't care to know why. I don't even know who I am, why I'm a Watcher, why the lady wants me to keep a record of whatever petty squabbles you and everyone else get into, why she expects me to care. She looks at me like she sees the world—and you don't look at me at all. I wouldn't call it refreshing, but sometimes it's easier to face someone who doesn't know I exist than someone who wants something I don't know how to give.

How do I begin to explain what exactly I want from you? See, sometimes I stare at just the right patch of sky or turn just the right way, because then it seems like the fabric of the world ripples and I get this heavy, heavy feeling of nostalgia. Lately, I've been thinking more about who I could'be been, and I think whatever I had been through then must've been some archetype of heroism. I haven't really asked the blue lady much about myself, but once I did mention off hand how achingly familiar this whole hero quest thing reeked of, and she only smiled. 

So, you see, what I'm getting at is that there are things that seem to click just right. The lady introduced me to this thing called Infuse, and you're in it. You, who can never hope to know who I am or come to understand this fragile existence I lead. You're in a gacha.

And then, of course, it's not even you. It's a you I've never met, but I think I'd like you all the same. It's such a roundabout way to put this, but I wish you'd come home.

...somehow, that phrase feels a little too familiar.

I understand that this Infuse doesn't work like how I imagine it does. I'm not summoning you to help me take back my future; I'm just...creating you in my corner of the world. Making another version of you? I don't quite get it yet, but whatever the case, I wish you'd be a bit nicer to me. Oh, I've tried. And maybe cried, because sometimes the weight of wanting something is a little too much for me.

And if you never come around, I guess I'll be fine in a month or so. Noting down the things that happen under my eyes, watching a story I can't be a part of, those are things I'm used to. I _can_ get used to it. 

But if, in theory, I did meet you, if you did come home, I guess I'd have to hug you and ask if you're okay. That, too, is such an unrealistic fantasy that I got tired of living it in a couple of days. The Watcher lady didn't say anything, but the day I decided enough was enough, she laughed and asked very deliberately if there was someone I favored most. I swear she can read minds sometimes, which only makes me feel guilty I don't remember her name and haven't cared enough to ask again. Maybe she might be the only reason I haven't gone insane yet, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to exchange more than simple pleasantries with her. We've got a business relationship.

There really isn't much to say, I think. I've got something that might be too much to ask (your simple presence), and the Watcher lady's waiting for me to continue the story, as she always is. Forget I said anything about love, or liking you; it's not like this letter will ever reach you, anyways. It can't, if I'm to remain an impartial viewer, even if whatever instincts I still have from my past scream at me to jump in and change history. 

I think I had something to do with that before. The lady says I'll remember soon enough if I stick along, though even if I wanted to stop I'd have nowhere to go. I've got to watch your story and pretend I've got no obvious bias. Not in love, not fond of anyone, and I think of you the same way I see everyone else; with interest, but nothing unprofessional. Nothing romantic.

_Love_ —seriously, what's wrong with me?

~~Sincerely,~~

~~Best wis~~

Yours,

A Watcher


End file.
